The Yearning in the Year
by Anteater
Summary: "This year apart was exactly what we needed. Right?" Spoilers for Ep. 5.22 "The Beginning in the End" two-shot, complete.
1. May 20, 2010

A/N: So I might be in the minority on this one, but I enjoyed the end scene of the finale. I thought the rest of the episode was just okay, but I think that this year apart could be the catalyst for Booth and Brennan's final coming together. I was so tired of the holding pattern they were in that I was happy for the change. This is my summer project so the updates will be scattered throughout until the season premiere and will alternate between Booth and Brennan as they spend their year apart from each other. Enjoy and please review!

Chapter 1

May 20, 2010

She was gone. I didn't see her plane take off but I knew that she was gone. I could feel it.

I hurried through the airport, knowing that there was going to be hell to pay for sneaking off the base. Going AWOL was something the Army didn't approve of, especially when they already denied my request. Getting told when I could sleep, eat, and piss after being out of the armed forces for several years was going to take some getting used to. But when I told Bones this was the best thing for me right now, I wasn't lying. I needed the change of scenery and pace as much as she did.

Hailing a cab once outside the airport, I realized the other reason why I got out of the airport so fast was to avoid seeing the squint squad. Without her, my partner, I felt like an awkward third wheel to the squint dynamic. Bones had always served as the mediator between me and the squints and it was like I didn't know how to act around them without her being there as well.

The cab pulled up in front of Fort McNair, where I am currently going through the standard physicals and de-briefings required before being deployed oversees. Tomorrow, I would be heading to Fort Benning in Georgia, the official headquarters of the unit I was a part of, the Army Rangers, for final de-briefings before heading to Afghanistan for a 12 month deployment. I was just happy to be near Parker for as long as I could. The kid loved seeing me in my uniform; he really thought his old man was a bonafide hero.

The second I left the cab and walked onto base, I was greeted by two MPs who both looked like they could play linebacker for the Redskins.

"Sergeant Major Booth?" one of them asked, like they didn't know who I was.

"That's me," I replied, trying to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.

"Captain Perry wants to see you immediately."

Great, I thought, as I nodded to the MPs who started walking with me to his office. Captain Steven Perry was the commander of unit and he was not too happy to see me. To hear that his superiors felt that he was doing such a bad job of training his own men that they were bringing in an ex-sniper who was currently an FBI Agent, well, let's just say that my arrival did not please him. Nobody liked to be told that they were not doing their job correctly but to a pompous officer like Perry, bringing in an NCO that had been a civilian a week ago was a slap in the face.

We arrived at the Captain's office and the MPs opened the door for me, leaving me no choice but to head inside and face the music.

I walked up to the front of his desk where I saw him working and stood at attention, back straight and arms glued to my sides, my gaze pinned to the wall just behind his desk. The bastard didn't even look up from his paperwork. "Sergeant Major Booth reporting as ordered, sir," I intoned.

Silence came over the office and the expected 'at ease' command never came. I had to stop the glare that threatened to take over my face as I was forced to continue to stand at attention for several minutes while it seemed that my commander had no time for me even though he called me to talk to him.

"Sergeant Major Booth, your behavior today will not be tolerated, is that understood?" Captain Perry said, still not looking up from his paperwork or telling me to go to parade rest.

The history on the captain was something I learned from the younger men in my unit the instant I stepped on base. Turns out the man graduated from West Point Military Academy and was 6th generation Army but unlike his relatives before him, he did not have the smarts or the guts to join the Rangers and dropped out of training on his first try. Only a call from daddy to the Secretary of Defense had ensured his son's place within the Special Forces unit. In the 10 years since his graduation, he had only advanced one rank and rumor had it that this was his last assignment. So, as one might imagine, him and I were not the best of friends.

"Sir, I-"

"Sergeant Major Booth!" he interrupted, finally looking up from his paperwork, now standing behind his desk with his fists on the table. "That question did not require an answer that is anything other than 'yes, sir.' I will not have behavior like that in my unit and as an example to the other men, you must be reprimanded. Is that understood, Sergeant Major Booth? And if your answer is anything other than 'yes, sir,' I will make sure you regret it."

"Yes, sir," I answered, too furious to say anything else. I ground my teeth together to ensure I wouldn't say anything else and silently thanked whoever was listening that the young men I was going to train were reason enough for my re-enlistment.

I waited, as Captain Perry seemed to give me the once over. I refused to flinch under his scrutiny and when he was satisfied, he sat down at his desk and returned to his paperwork, still leaving me standing at attention.

"I realize, Sergeant Major Booth that right now, since you do not live on base, I do not have any control over what you do after 5 pm. But tomorrow, when we go to Fort Benning, that all changes. Effective the second you walk onto that base, if you are not in a de-briefing or other required function for deployment; you will be confined to your quarters until we depart for Afghanistan. Is that understood, Sergeant Major Booth?"

I was really starting to get tired of that question, especially since it seemed there was only one appropriate answer. "Yes, sir."

"Good. You are dismissed Sergeant Major Booth. The MPs will see that you get back to your apartment." I did an about face and began to walk out of the office when I heard him call me back.

"Oh, and Sergeant Major Booth?" I turned around and stood at attention once again. "I suggest you think about how hard you want this next year to be for you. My superiors are convinced you are the right man for the job but my superiors will not be in the middle of the Afghani countryside with us. Do we understand each other, Sergeant Major Booth?"

"Yes, sir," I replied, ready to get out of the office and back to my apartment.

"Dismissed."

Not giving him another opportunity to call me back, I threw open the door and grimaced as the two MPs followed me out of the building and had a car waiting to take me home. The FBI had taken mine back when I took a leave of absence so while I needed a ride whenever I went off base; this was not the way I wanted to leave.

As I sat in the back seat of the SUV, I couldn't help but think about my partner, somewhere over the United States headed to Indonesia and I started thinking that a year in the grand scheme of things could be a long damned time.

But I needed to be away from her, needed some space. I was heart-crushed when she told me that she couldn't change and rejected me as a lover. Then, not 2 months later, after I tried and tried to be a good partner and not let my feelings get in the way and she goes and decides to leave me for a year, rejecting me as a partner as well. It was clear that my worst fears had been confirmed and she clearly thought I wasn't good enough for her. That afternoon, I went to Colonel Pelant's office and signed the re-enlistment papers.

That is when the nightmares started again and my feet constantly ached. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the desert that I had vowed never to go back to and saw the young men I would be training to go and face those exact same horrors. It was no surprise that I was pretty tired.

But no matter what, I couldn't blame Bones for her decision. I told Sweets once that you can't push her and that is exactly what I did after Gordon Gordon told me to be patient.

Before she left, she had helped me set up a Skype account that I could use to talk to Parker and to her when I had computer access. I was so happy that technology had advanced to the point where I could physically see my son during the long year I would be in Afghanistan.

I squinted my eyes as the headache that I got whenever I thought about the convoluted relationship with my partner got worse. What I really needed to do was move on; find a woman that would love me. Bones may be the standard but she wasn't the only woman in the world. I was an attractive, nice guy. I should be able to find someone. This is why I needed some time away from her; I needed to clear my head and find a new place in the world, a place where me and Bones were not the center and she wasn't the first thing I thought about when I got up and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep. This year apart was exactly what we needed.

Right?


	2. May 31, 2010

Chapter 2

May 31, 2010

It was hot. Really hot. I can't believe I could have forgotten how hot it was in this part of the world. It made the heat and humidity we have every summer in D.C. look like a nice spring day.

But this find was truly the find of the century and I gladly suffered through the heat in order to be a part of it. I would even put up with the insufferable Ms. Wick, who was challenging the limits of my patience every day with her endless chatter. I was seriously considering transferring her to Dr. Rowland's team because since I was the project manager and coordinator I could do that.

Ms. Wick's insufferable chatter was not the only reason why I wanted her transferred off my team. When we had arrived on the site, she had loudly told everyone that the reason why I came to this dig was to run away from my partner that I was madly in love with and who was the inspiration for Andy Lister in my books. Since then, I had seen the looks some of the younger grad students had given me and I knew they were not professional. It took every ounce of my professionalism to not ream out these students for their gross inaccuracies.

But the rest of the team was very good. We had some locals with us but for the most part, the team consisted of anthropologists and paleontologists from around the world with a handful of doctoral candidates as well. And although I missed the scientists I worked with in the Jeffersonian, I found that the influx of new ideas and inquiry that accompanies being with a different group of professionals was extremely intellectually stimulating, something I really enjoyed. It made me certain that this was indeed the right decision.

Just because this was a right decision does not mean that I did not find myself thinking about Booth at least once a day. According to his original deployment plan, he should have arrived in Afghanistan a couple of days ago. And even though I was worried about him, I knew that I had to focus on this discovery. With the implications that this study was sure to yield, they needed to make sure that all of their geese were lined up so the study could withstand the almost certain scrutiny it would undergo. We had only been here for two weeks and already; many of us were convinced that this find would revolutionize the theory of evolution. The general feeling around the camp was excitement that we were going to have a year to delve into the implications of this find and possibly excavate some of the surrounding area.

Leaving the tent where the hominind bones we had gathered were located, I walked outside to see several of my colleagues gathered around something that was smoking and the disgusting smell of burnt meat wafted in my direction. Curious about their actions and also hearing loud talking and music, I decided to see what all the commotion was about.

One of the drawbacks to having my esteemed reputation and also being the team leader was that it was hard for the members of the group to open up me and want to talk to me. On previous digs I had been on, this would not bother me but ever since I began working with Booth, I noticed that my need for human conversational interaction increased and now I had the uncomfortable feeling of being left out. I tried to make an effort to interact socially with some of the team members but I found that so far these attempts had proved unsuccessful.

I also had some uncomfortable interactions with some of the anthologists here that felt they were more qualified to lead this expedition. After all, while I had been helping Booth solve murders, they had been immersed in the world of academia and had published papers advancing the science of anthropology. And while I knew that their questioning of my credentials was ludicrous, it still hurt that my professional colleagues did not think I was qualified. But I would prove them wrong; I was done solving murders.

As I approached the gathering, thankful it was out of the area where we were still gathering soil samples, I noticed that all of the people there were American. Again curious, now as to why our other colleagues from other countries were excluded from the circle, I intended to find out exactly what was going on.

By the jovial music and general fun atmosphere, I could tell they were having a celebration of some sort but in flipping through my memory, I could not recall any holiday that occurred on this day.

"Dr. Brennan!" one of the doctoral candidates yelled out to me as I approached. "Come and join us!" One of the other people thrust a beer at me and I took it, still unsure of what we were celebrating.

"What is going on?" I asked the group, noticing that they were barbecuing some sort of meat and were playing a variety of music usually associated with the summer season.

"Dr. Brennan today is the first official day of summer!" Dr. Bryant, one of the paleontologists from University of Colorado, Boulder, told her. "Pull up a chair and grab a beer. We are taking the rest of the afternoon off!" he finished to cheers from the 7 other people there.

Excited to be included in one of my colleagues' activities, I sat down at one of the vacant lawn chairs around the pit even though the smell of burnt meat was somewhat nauseating. I partook in the festivities for a while, even sharing some of my more humorous jokes. About an hour into the party, I realized that I still wasn't sure why this particular day was chosen to celebrate the beginning of summer as opposed to the long established and celebrated summer solstice, something this group of anthropologists should have known.

"Dr. Gardiner," I asked the man closest to me. "Why are we celebrating the beginning on summer today as opposed to the summer solstice?"

Dr. Gardiner studied me for a moment as if judging if I were serious. "Dr. Brennan today is Memorial Day, which in the U.S., is considered the official day of summer."

I suddenly remembered the day, always not liking it because it meant that there was one less day of work. But suddenly I remembered what I did last Memorial Day and the smell of the meat was not the only thing that was nauseating me.

"Memorial Day is also the day observed in the United States to honor those who died in battle, correct?" I asked Dr. Gardiner.

"You are right, Dr. Brennan," he said.

Last year, Booth had taken me to Arlington National Cemetery to a special service for the day and then I had waited for him while he said he was going to visit some old friends. The memory of all those rows of white tombstones with American flags in front of them came slamming into me and I couldn't breathe. Knowing that Booth was currently in an active war zone and that during his 12-month deployment there was a chance he could end up in one of those rows made me physically sick. I quickly lowered my head between my knees so I wouldn't vomit. It would not do to have that reaction in front of her co-workers.

"Dr. Brennan," I heard one of the grad students ask me. "Are you okay?"

I swallowed back the bile in my throat and sat up, trying to on a brave face for the student. "I am fine," I told her. "It was very hot out today and I feel that I have not consumed the adequate amount of water considering my weight and the amount I have sweat today."

"So, you were light-headed?" the student confirmed.

"Isn't that what I said?"

The student nodded to me and walked away. I too decided that maybe I needed a moment and walked toward the research tent, nodding to the guard outside the door of the tent as I entered. I gazed down at the bones in front of me and realized this was exactly the reason I needed to come to this dig. My fears for Booth clouded my rational scientific thinking that I needed to effectively perform my job as a forensic anthropologist. Even now, 4500 miles away from him, my worry for him still affected me.

My eyes found the bones on the table and instantly, I felt more calm. This is what I was supposed to be doing; learning about ancient civilizations and studying the pathway of human evolution, not identifying murder victims. I had so much to contribute to this field and this is where I was needed. While putting away murders was satisfying, the thrill of pure science was something that I found I sorely missed.

I was furious with Booth the night he told me he wanted more, an "us." Why did he have to go and change the way we worked? Didn't he realize that loving me was the worst mistake he could have made? And when he didn't push and gave up, I knew my worst fears had been confirmed; that he realized that I wasn't good enough for him and his lion heart.

This is why I needed some time away from him; I needed to clear my head and find a new place in the world, a place where Booth did not call him and I "the center" and I didn't have nightmares about him getting hurt or spent half the day wondering what our partnership met. This year apart was exactly what we needed.

Right?


End file.
